Brave Isn't the Absence of Fear

Sometimes I wonder how some people can be so brave in everything they do. They have confidence. They face whatever comes at them. It’s like they were built brave from the very beginning.

And when you watch someone like that, it’s easy to feel like you’re not built the same way. Because you do feel fear. You feel it in certain situations, and you can’t hide it.

You know the feeling. The deep end of the pool the first time someone told you to swim. Walking into a room full of strangers on your first day at a new school. The first phone call in a language you’re still learning, where every word is a struggle. And the big one — standing up to speak in front of hundreds of people, your voice trembling on the first word. In the moment it feels impossible, and afterward that fear makes you never want to do it again.

I had a team leader who seemed exactly like one of those “built brave” people. He had so much more energy than everyone else. So I started telling myself a story about him: this guy is just built different. He doesn’t feel fear at all.

Then I got a chance to test that story.

There was a day he was about to give a speech in front of hundreds of people. I went to find him in the back room before he went on, and I asked him how he was feeling. He told me he was nervous. Which surprised me, because from the outside he looked completely fine. Fine as hell, actually.

Then I shook his hand. And it was cold. Freezing cold.

That’s when it all changed for me. He was afraid. He felt every bit of it. He just faced it anyway. And somehow that made what he was doing even more impressive than if he’d felt nothing at all.

I learned something that day.

Fear is normal. It’s what you feel when you face a situation you’re not familiar with, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling it. You don’t have to make it go away. You just have to face it anyway.

Brave isn’t the absence of fear. Brave is feeling the fear and going through it anyway.

And here’s the part that keeps me going. You don’t have to be brave forever. You only have to be brave for the few seconds it takes to begin. Say the first word. Send the text. Walk into the room. Once you’re moving, the hardest part is already behind you.

And the fear doesn’t stay the same size. Think back to those same things. That deep end you were terrified of? Now you jump in without a second thought. That new school full of strangers? A month later it was just your school. That phone call that made you sweat over every word? One day you forgot you were ever scared. The first time always feels huge. By the tenth time, you barely think about it. Fear works the same way. After you push through that same situation once or twice, it starts to shrink. You don’t feel it as much anymore. Sometimes you barely feel it at all. The public speaking that made your voice shake becomes just another ordinary day. Not because the fear disappeared, but because you kept showing up until it ran out of things to threaten you with.

So the next time your voice shakes, don’t take it as a sign to stop. Take it as a sign that you’re doing something that matters, something new. Shake, and do it anyway. Just get through the first few seconds. That’s all brave has ever been.